Recently, the week of January 22, 2012, on different days, I gave talks to two different student groups.  One was a group of students who live in on-campus residences on the Southeast section of our campus. The other was a group of students who participate, off campus, in the Presbyterian Campus Ministry. 

    For both groups the title of my talk was, “Interpersonal Leadership: Moving from Tolerance to Acceptance.”  In both cases, the students admitted that with all the diversity in their social environments there is a lot of worry about being perceived as racist.  I told them that such worries come from trying just to be tolerant of people from different groups, rather than trying to accepting that those people are your equals.

    Tolerance, you see, is the shelter for those who are worried, uncertain and anxious. Tolerance is “…putting up with.” You can’t get to acceptance if you are worried, uncertain and anxious.  That is why we need “interpersonal leaders.”  We need individuals who are willing to stand up to the conformity pressures that push us to just tolerate, and then behind closed doors talk about members of other groups with anti-group slurs and stereotypes.  Interpersonal leaders are needed so that we move from tolerance to acceptance; respect for all.

    It was a talk I designed to be a challenge to the students; a challenge to make a difference.  It became even more of a challenge when I told them that my time is coming to an end.  My time of working to improve the diversity environment of America is almost over. 

   I started doing diversity work in the U.S. Navy in 1974.  I have been at this a long time.  That is why I had something to say, and so wrote and published my memoir of work on diversity: Making Gumbo in the University.

    Now it seems that my effort was worthwhile.  Reviewing my memoir for the journal Making Connections: Interdisciplinary Approaches to Cultural Diversity  Professor Edward Washington wrote:

     “Making Gumbo in the University deserves to be read for its progressive ideas and policies on diversity on the 21st century college campus. Nacoste argues for an intellectually dynamic university and he champions the need for ongoing dialogue about diversity as a way for colleges to remain on the cutting edge of beneficial change. Administrators should not be afraid to lead in this area, all students benefit from learning to be more tolerant of others, and the willingness and ability to change for the better is, for Nacoste, the “responsibility” of all university communities.”

A reviewer for the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education wrote:

    “Dr. Rupert Nacoste, a Louisiana-born interpersonal social psychologist, draws on the imagery of gumbo to distill lessons learned from his experience as the first vice provost for diversity and African American affairs at North Carolina State University.  (He resigned after two years and returned to the NCSU NCSU North Carolina State University faculty.) Without bitterness, he outlines his view that the recipe for achieving diversity in the modern university requires stirring up the “conflict of ideas” and allowing them to simmer into a rich concoction of durable relationships and intellectual ferment.”

         Finally, Dr. John Saltmarsh, the Director of the New England Resource Center for Higher Education (NERCHE)  at the University of Massachusetts, Boston said to his readership: “I highly recommend a very compelling and somewhat iconoclastic book by Rupert Nacoste, the person in charge of diversity at North Carolina State University at the beginning of the 2000s. His book is called Making Gumbo in the University, and is a very smart inside look at the politics and positioning of diversity on campus, and the challenges encountered when taking diversity seriously.”

   That is why I was serious when I told these NCSU students that my time is coming to an end.  But I shocked them when I told them that it is now their time to work for things to change when it comes to acceptance of diversity in America.  I shocked them.

    I know that because I saw a reaction in both sets of students’ eyes. In their eyes, I saw thoughtfulness mixed with a bit of fear, and a bit of anger.  Me!  I have to take this up now.  Me! Dammit… why me; why isn’t this done already. 

   Both sets of students had already admitted to me that they continue to experience “…the moment.”  All of them nodded with vigor to say that yes, they had experienced that moment when someone in group utters ugly, intolerant words; racial, gender, ethnic, religious slurs.  Oh yeah… they said… and they said that when it happens they are uncomfortable but silent.  Yet they looked at me with anxiety, fear and anger when I said their time to work for change had come.  Some students actually slide down in their seats. 

    Arms folded in front of them in self defense in their eyes I saw the question. Why does it fall to “…me” was the question I saw in their eyes.  And so I told them why.  Because just like they were trying to do, too many before them had been sitting and “…waiting… waiting on the world to change.”  No more, I said to them.  You asked me to come and speak with you, so now you have no excuse.  You cannot say you didn’t know. 

    You see I taught them a strategy that works.  Speak up and speak for yourself.  Based on social psychological research (see my previous post), I taught them in that moment all there is something they can do that is easily within their power. That something is to softly say to the person,

• I would prefer not to hear that kind of racial/gender/ethnic slur. I find it offensive.
• I really don’t like to hear people referred to as stereotypes. I find it offensive.

    I showed those students that it is up to them to set new norms for their communities and to talk about new norms and to display new norms. That is how they can become the interpersonal leaders we need in the 21^st century America. 

    So now they had too much information to be able to say “I don’t know what to do.”  Now, like the students in my classes, they knew too much. Now like to the students in my classes, I made it clear that they have the ability to work for change and so the responsibility.

    They felt trapped.  That is why I saw thoughtfulness mixed with a bit of fear, and a bit of anger.  Me!  I have to take this up now.  Me! Dammit… why me; why isn’t this done already. 

    Why is it up to them?  No heroes will come.  Change will come through everyday people standing up for change; being interpersonal leaders.  And now is that time. As the prologue to the science-fiction series Torchwood proclaims,

“The 21^st Century is when everything changes. You have to be ready.”

   It was January, 2011 that Wake Up! It’s Serious became a reality at North Carolina State University. After the repeated occurrence of anti-black and anti-gay graffiti, students in my “Interpersonal Relationships and Race” course were fed up.  In the context of what I taught in that course, they asked “…who are we?”  “Will we let those who profess hate be taken to represent our university.”  My students answered their own question with a resounding, “…No!”  So they began decided to create a campaign for change. 

    In their own words “Wake Up! It’s Serious: A Campaign for Change” is a campaign designed to help individuals learn how to speak up in the presence of intolerance  by refusing to be silent when another person uses derogatory group terms.

     Refusing to be silent?  What does that mean?  Well, when I teach about the fact that there are no innocent racial slurs, I also teach that to reduce people’s ease with using anti-group slurs each of us has a responsibility to confront a person when they do so.   That is why Wake Up! is also a student campaign for change that is designed to spread awareness of intolerance and motivate personal responsibility for taking action and managing emotion in the face of intolerance. So we show up and participate in activities like “Respect the Pack” which was put on by student government to raise awareness of the problems the intolerant language causes on our campus.

    Ok, but is spreading awareness enough? People always say that lack of education and understanding is the problem.  But, the truth is those of us who think it is wrong for anybody to speak in anti-group (racial, gender, ethnic, religious) slurs are already aware.  So awareness is not the issue. 

     Yes, you are right.  That is why Wake Up! is also a student campaign to advocate taking a stand in the face of intolerance and to teach our student body strategies to do so.

     Strategies?  Yes, strategies… you see, as part of my course I teach students how to take a stand against intolerant language in the moment that it happens.  That strategy is not based on my opinion; the strategy I teach comes from research by other social psychologists who have studied what are effective methods, strategies for standing up for change.

     Through a set of three experiments, Czopp, Monteith & Mark (Czopp, A. M., Monteith, M.J. & Mark, A. Y. (2006). Standing up for change: Reducing bias through interpersonal confrontation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90, 784-803.)  investigated (1) whether white students’ use of racial stereotypes decreased after being  confronted about using a racial stereotype, (2) whether reactions to the confrontation were influenced by the race of the person making the objection and (3) whether a confrontation in one situation influenced the use of racial stereotypes in another situation. What did these researchers find?

     First off, race of the confronter made no difference.  It did not matter whether the person objecting was black or white the confrontation had the same effect. Second, the research shows that people’s interpersonal fears are accurate.  The research confirmed that when confronted, the person confronted shows anger and irritation toward confronters. But the research also shows that when not confronted, perpetrators act as if they have been encouraged to continue.  By not confronting a person who uses demeaning group language, the perpetrator acts as if you have encouraged them to continue and say more in the same vein.  So the question is what are you prepared to live with interpersonally?

     Songwriter and singer John Mayer has suggested that many young people today want change, but don’t know what to do to bring it about.  According to Mr. Mayer, young people do not behave to cause change because they don’t think they have the means.  So young people, Mayer says,

“…just keep waiting…

…waiting on the world to change.”

   Yet the findings of the research by Czopp, Monteith & Mark indicates that in social interaction we don’t have to stand around waiting on the world to change. One thing the research suggests is an interpersonal strategy for dealing with another person’s use of offensive racial slurs or stereotypes.  Turns out the confrontation does not have to be harsh and loud.

    One of the basic principles for managing interpersonal conflict is speaking for your-self. When we are confronting a interpersonal conflict episode in our relationships, we have to admit our preferences; say “I” not “You.” Make the statement an honest self-disclosure. Be not accusatory; name calling is just name calling.  Following on this for the case of group offensive slurs and stereotypes, an effective strategy is to say:

 •     I would prefer that you don’t use that kind of language around me. I find it offensive.

 •     I really don’t like to hear slurs about a religion. I find it offensive.

 •     I really don’t like that you refer to people in stereotypes. I find it offensive.

     The research by Czopp, Monteith & Mark shows that these kinds of confrontations are effective in that they have specific effects.  One, in the immediate situation, these kinds statements reduce the perpetrator’s use of stereotyped language and claims.  Two, these kinds of challenges cause the perpetrator to experience negative self-evaluations.  These effects are both specific and socially significant. So it turns out we don’t have to wait on a hero. 

     Members of “Wake Up! It’s Serious: A Campaign for Change” have realized that reality; no heroes will come; there will be not be another Martin Luther King Jr.  These young people have come to understand what Dr. King meant when he said:

 The greatest tragedy of this age

Will not be the vitriolic words and deeds of the children of darkness…

But the appalling silence of the children of light.

     Members of Wake Up! have come to understand their role as “…children of light.”

    That picture is from the very successful Open-mic that Wake Up! put on in the Fall, 2011.  Look closely at the neo-diversity of the people who turned out and stayed to be in that picture.  Have no doubt that on the campus of North Carolina State University, there is a set of students who have dedicated themselves to pushing students on our campus to “Wake Up” to the reality of the neo-diversity of the 21^st Century.  That reality being that interaction between groups is unavoidable, and that negative group language is only going to get in the way of our growth as a nation.

    These students were among the Wake Up! group who have made this commitment.

    Will you join the campaign?  Go to http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wake-Up-Its-Serious-A-Campaign-for-Change/143249339096798 and like us.